I couldn't help but apologize...

I felt bad. That I was too busy and then too tired for her these days.

I should have thought that I tried my best the past few days but last night... perhaps that's why I felt guilty and bad.

Perhaps I remembered a similar encounter before.

Perhaps I shouldn't have felt this way.

Perhaps I shouldn't have apologized.

I did notice she was unhappy even before anything else was said...

I wanted to ask about it...

I should have asked before I apologized too profusely...

...and ruined everything.

...and made her withdraw further.

...and hate me more.

Sigh.

What's worse. I wake up in the morning and when I re-read the conversation... I realise that I was just crazy. Crazy with weariness and guilt perhaps. Why? Why was I crazy? I hate myself. Why do I do such stupid things? Why why why?! I hate myself. I keep shooting myself in the foot. I hate myself...

Despite everything, I'm still worried about her and it rides high and above all the rest of my feelings..

I hope she'll really be okay in the morning. I highly doubt that though...

She misses BG. But I know she doesn't want to go see him and she'll take everything herself...

Suicidal thoughts flood in her head... :/

I hope I'm just paranoid. I highly doubt that though...

SengChye.