It had been another lazy day for us both back up here in Malaysia.

A pleasant one, spent under the sheets and on the lovely little alcove I have here. I do enjoy it a lot more when she’s with me.

I don’t know how much she enjoyed the day but for me I just enjoyed it so much when we were together and we weren’t trying to rip each other’s guts out or we weren’t just being utterly depressed and feeling like killing ourselves.

She’s an amazing reader. I don’t know if I have said this before. But she literally consumed 2 books today in just a couple of hours. It was impressive as much as amazing to see someone do that. I couldn’t that’s for sure. I’m not patient enough and I’m prone to falling off to a dreamy dazed state when my mind is just so caught up in the story. When I do so, I seem to reappear in the story world of the story or a meld of ones that I had known. I’d be in such a fantasy world with such fantasy characters. It’ll be really nice and I wouldn’t really want to awake from it until I have to. The thought of coming back to my normal life again pains me sometimes. However what sucks the most is that when I regain even the slightest touch with reality the fantasy fades away forever, with me left wondering what I had been through and where I was for the past time I was away from the world.

I did a few really stupid things tonight and I don’t know if she’ll forgive me for that. I am really a kid at certain things such as planning and being and staying cool and this is really one of the things I have to work at ferociously. One, because it’s not hard to pick up and two, it’s something very important that I need to learn to have. I’m so sorry that it had to be her that was took the brunt of my mistake and my bad luck. I would rather it have been myself. Truly. Tragedy should happen to me and me alone when the world wants to teach me a lesson so that no one gets hurt. The least of all people that should be hurt would be her if I had a choice. And the most of all should be me. I’m not worth feeling all well and fine especially if she had to get hurt over it.

Well, I’m back in Malaysia and back in my life. I had just gotten screwed for single-handedly chocking up 500+RM of my shared phone bill and it looks like for the next few months I’ll be trying my best to stay away from all handphone communications. It sucks because each day I do wish to talk to her and hear her voice and her hear talk about her day and the people she encounters. But another lesson I have to learn is financial prudence. I am such a spoilt spender when I’m upset. I will not hesitate to spend on anything I desire regardless of the cost when I’m feeling down. Money just seems like the least of my problems. This is no good. I have to change. Financial prudence should shine through no matter my mood.

I hope she has a good trip home and won’t have any problems. I wonder if she’ll get enough rest before school tommorow.

School starts for me tommorow and I have so much undone. Time to awaken from my depression.
The New Year’s with her wasn’t too bad a time after all. In fact, it was good and was very good at times. Time to come out of depression. It’s bad for me.

P/s: Google or Gmail isn’t working so I can’t blog or write her an email. I hate this lousy internet service.

Tfaduh.