She doesn't understand...

When I say something...

Especially something with contraversial words...

Or meanings...

She misunderstands... and then...

She blows up... even though we've been doing very very well just a while ago... and I watch helplessly and raise my hands in surrender... what did I do? I seldom find an answer.

I know... because when I phrase it in another way, she understands... maybe it's just me... I don't phrase it properly I guess...


I don't restrain you...

But I will of course get hurt if you want to leave me... because I know that meant that I haven't done a good job... failure hurts me... upsetting someone hurts me...

especially when I live much for you and with you... I don't want to fail you... I don't want to hurt you...

It's hurtful to be friends with you. Its not that I'm not open to it... it's just that.... I couldn't be a friend really...

When you're around... I cannot help but remember all the times we had together and that causes me so much pain, especially with doubt... seeping in and telling me that it'll never happen between us again... You know how I cry for my toys...

I could hold that all back... but I wouldn't be a very good friend... you would notice, and ask... and I couldn't be able to bring myself to tell you... the thought of you would make me cry... I really couldn't contact you. Pain... overwhelming...

Until enough time has passed and I'm okay. By then perhaps I'd be numb enough to be your friend again. Then perhaps you would be happier. I hope to be able to recover faster for you.



I still trust her.

SengChye is miserable but holds on to hope tightly in his grasp...

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Perhaps I would see the light in the morning.

Perhaps I would change after all, and be okay with being friends after all.

I wonder if she trusted me to make this change, to learn this after all. To throw away these immature thoughts after all.

One has to go through it before learning that it wouldn't end like that. I'm feeling it real bad, my imagination so real... Thank goodness for the solitude. I'm learning... I'm seeing... it's good.. thank goodness...

I hope it's going well on that end as well...

SengChye is worried about Jaclyn. He upset her again and feels horrible about it. He wonders why it happens and maybe he has an idea on why. The lack of maturity irks her(different values), then it blows up further because of the lack of star sign compatibility (reactions are not complimentary and generally do not favour the situation)(different values) as well as personality (we are stubborn and are aggressively defensive towards our values)... It's possible to be together it's possible to be a great couple. We have had great times together, it's undeniably true. It seems possible if only maturity problems never spark off anything (same values), our starsigns compliment each other(Taurus, supportive. Leo, always looking up new things) and our personality compatibility can work its wonders(arty, wanting to help the world, thoughtful and understanding, giving --> Same values). Plus with me wanting and being able to change quickly through learning. (Same values)

Someone has to give. And that will be me.

SengChye sees some light.