Dissapointment Ugh.

I thought this would be the most promising gig I've ever done. It certainly seemed that way from the jams. Quick efficient and lotsa ideas and a high level of performance. Somehow, during the gig it sorta fell apart. Right from the start we were at the wrong beat with the wrong atmosphere. The song failed to sink in like I should, the angst and the sadness. Next song was just messy. The singer was already in major jitters just that she was in good control of herself. Perhaps her worry about the guitarist had finally broken in. They were so good before, it was so sad it had to flop now, when it really counted. I had even invited most of my closest friends over to see. I was really glad they had come and wanted to put on the best show I could for them.

They were dissapointed. Naturally. I had promised them a superb performance. I was dissapointed too. I think I had played my parts okay, but somehow, something was missing. I'm thinking that would be the seriousness and the musical equivalent to "being in character". I think that's very important. I think I did that the best perhaps? But I can't tell. I wasn't paying enough attention to everyone else to judge. Perhaps that was why it failed, because I failed to pay attention. Argh, so many possibilities. Perhaps it was just the fact that we hadn't had any rehearsals with the whole band. It's just weird though, during the jams it was perfect. Stress is such a destructive thing.

I left for Salsa to find myself forgetting many of the moves and screwing up a lot of the ones I thought I remembered. Not wanting to be apologetic and sulky I merely carried on. Trying to have as much fun as I could with all I could remember, and some new things I accidentally invented. I guess it paid off. I don't think anyone would have noticed if I hadn't said it here. In fact, I was comtemplating whining about being nowhere again, with me being mediocre in every aspect of my life. Meeting my friend Ben an old time salsa classmate who has seemed to improved way beyond me and was burning up the dance floor (in my opinion at least) in his controlled (though albeit technical) manner [better than my haphazard style] didn't really help much.

Then it happened. The statement that lifted my entire night from mere dissapointment in everything to gorgeous bliss and happiness. "Your dancing has improved". Wow. I became so high in an instant.

The effects of saying something right (and meaning it of course) at the right time is unimaginable sometimes.

tfaduh.