Murphy's New Year.

Murphy was laughing real hard last night. Everything that could have turned out wrong did. And it spoilt more than one person's night. That's the worst part.

Clarke Quay Mardi Gras Show : What the hell was that? :P Small stage and some lousy MC with a fake Indian accent entertaining a small half interested crowd? I couldn't find the street performers too. Clarke Quay had become a lot smaller than I last remembered because of MoS. I prefered the old one where it was kinda mysterious, quiet and interesting.

Cineleisure Gigs : Yeah, sure, I didn't really expect much of them already. They seemed pretty professional up on stage, but the atmosphere of it kind of wrong. The music wasn't really good at all frankly. Perhaps that's why. Didn't stay to watch anyways. Decided it wasn't worth the time even though there was nothing to do.

Generally it was another walk throughout Orchard. This time, it had a whole "Been there Done that" feel to it.

I don't wanna talk about it really. Fscked up. But you know what? I believe that next year(2006)is gonna be the most interesting year in my life. Why? Because the passing of the new year was probably one of the dullest waste of time in my entire life. Usually, the reverse happens if you pay enough attention to history. Hehe.

I had some consolations though. I had dinner at Ka Soh at Amoy Street. They had such excellent Fish Fillet Noodles, which were suitably sweet and tasteful. They also had brilliant other dishes but I don't know what to call them. Haha. I'm such an ignoramus. I'll take anyone there if they want sometime. Thanks Jac. You have really good tastes. :) Having an F&B informant around as a friend has got to have it's benefits alright. :P

The other one was I got to see the Fireworks at the Esplanade whilst passing by the road opposite Plaza Singapura. I usually am not particularly impressed by fireworks, but tonight was rather exceptional, so yeah. Nothing too special about the fireworks. Just colourful I guess. Whoo Purple.

Wtf.

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I feel very very terrible inside of me for the knowledge that a friend did get a boring New Year. I somehow have this gut feel that it had something to do with me. My friend should have said "Fsck You" to me and left to at least one of the other two parties(One being one that you kill yourself with lotsa lotsa alcohol, the other being a gay/lesbian party). I would have felt a bit better that I would have been the only one with a lousy New Year. I should have been more available and jumped on the chance immediately. The night was too young then, and I had Bad Judgement ;). Hey, it would have been ultimately cool to join a Gay and Lesbian party on New Years. Now I don't know if I'll ever get another chance. Sigh. I always make the wrong decisions.

Hey, next time anyone catches me making a wrong decision please give me a slap or something to wake me up. Come on guys! Be persuasive enough! I'm weak willed (:P) put some pressure on me and I'll submit quite easily. Something like "Hey wanna do something really cool that no one not cool enough would do? -Lets go to a Gay and Lesbian party! You'd get to see something new you don't see everyday and maybe you might have some fun too!"

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I realised that 3 is too much a crowd for me. 2 seems to be perfect so far. I cannot do 3 yet, especially when topics that are interesting to one don't seem to appeal to another. I have to fight so hard to placate both by taking turns, to ensure that I give each of the party equal attention, so that I can make them both feel good. But it's so hard. Especially when they're on different levels and I enjoy talking to one more than the other. In the end, I just become lazy and not think very much anymore or I just start brooding. That's how I end up making stupid mistakes and saying wrong things.

You know. I think I've got a gameplan here. When there are 3 or more people, and I have to entertain more than one person. I'll put the attention on myself. That'll work. People like to tease me for some reason. ;) I don't mind really. I enjoy it throughly unless it's not for fun, one of those mocking taunting types of teasing that take a bite out of my insecurities. Mm... will that be too selfish?

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There's something about 3 being a crowd that makes sense. In groups of 3 or more, the intimacy level plummets. It could get real boring. Inhibitions tend to set into place quicker for everyone is wary on stepping on other people's toes (Not literally you idiot.) A lot of private topics cannot be brought up as well. The level of conversation will remain more shallow than the depth of the party members. There's a little intrusion of privacy (This is why I always insist on going away when there is something going on between two people.) that prevents two people from bringing their topic one step further in fear that the other one might feel left out.

In 2, it suddenly becomes a lot more sacred. It's easier to accomodate the other one, unless it's totally impossible to accomodate him at all. You can really focus on the person itself, take in whole what he or she is thinking and saying and respond well. There are no distracting stray discussions. There are no distracting "Omg, will this be inappropriate?" or "Omg, is he/she gonna feel left out" or "Omg, does he/she understand this?" thoughts that will prevent you from having a good conversation. The privacy is also much appreciated because inhibition is then reduced, people are more honest and tend to be more relaxed unless you are a bad host. Why? Because what you say, may not ever leak outside the group. (I make it a point to hold everything that is said between me and my partner to be Confidential. Revealed only if appropriate and will harm no one and will incite interest.) So you can tell the other one private thoughts, deep confessions, honest opinions, crude thoughts and he won't mind, and it'll be fun. Then the other one would also spill his/her guts. Then they can both laugh at it or cry or something. Most importantly it'll be sacred and becomes more than just a talking-cock session like what usually happens in a bigger group.

If you can learn to respect other people's privacy, they'll learn to trust you. There are things hidden for the public for reasons. Revealing them isn't best way to get them to open up.

Keane, Somewhere only we know

I walked across an empty land,
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
I felt the earth beneath my feet,
Sat by the river and it made me complete.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches of it looking at me.
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

So if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know.

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.
So tell me when you gonna let me in,
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

So if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, so why don't we go,

Hmmm yea,

This could be the end of everything.
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know,
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know.

I only like 2 Keane songs. This is one of them.

tfaduh.

There are too many ideas flowing out now that I've stopped taking in. And I can't record them. I can't put them down. They'll be lost in a while. I hope they are at least subconsciously being recorded somewhere in me so that I can summon them up unintentionally when the time comes.


Why do I like music? It's because people can understand me better through a song. And they can use the song too to be helpful to other people who need help. It's like the ultimate useful thing. I think. I dunno. I can't think.

tfaduh.

You can't really understand somebody completely in such a short time can you. There are some people who you'd never be able to understand or comprehend for you don't make enough effort. The question is, "Is it worth the effort?"


I'm asking myself, what am I looking for doing this? To satisfy what part of me? My hunger for study? My pride? My knowledge? My crave for attention and acceptance? Perhaps even to increase my intelligence?


I can't take it in. It's a lot. Yet I try my best. So that I can help. My head hurts because I've taken in a lot in a short time. I'm beginning to feel some envy for the brilliance of the ideas and the perfection of word craft. I almost forgot that it is a product of much time. Taking out time makes everything seem so powerful and exaggerated.


So I can help. I realised I wrote it down unintentionally. Perhaps that's my motive. Perhaps that's the goal. There are some people who are asking for it but no one is listening. Why? Perhaps they are frightened. These are the people I'm interested in. Some say that I'm being partial, discrimining and rude. Stick and stones. I'd rather provide for the ones who need it the most and I can help the most. There are others more suited to do the help the rest. I'll stick with my niche.

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I realised that I need to try new stuffs. I'm not progressing very well, so I might as well just increase my knowledge. I need to expose myself and just be more available in general. I'm being a lot more open to music, and I think it's high time I'd be more open to cool stuffs in this world.

Though I am wondering what's the point of it all.

I can't get to an answer. It's too far away and my mind isn't working well anymore.

tfaduh.